Its about time, eh?
I was a big deal in school, and it wasnt a small school, so you cant give me the big fish in a small pond thing. And now, I'm far from studly. I study my butt off, but am not smart about the way I work. So I don't do well. It sucks. I can't tell you how much.
Essentially, law school isn't working out so well for me. I'm not the person people tally scores with, cause I'm a middle feeder. I don't know how people see me, but I'm willing to bet they don't think I'm the smartest or most hard working person around, even though I am both smart and hard working.
But you know what? It doesn't matter. For one, it can't. If it did, I'd never be happy. And law school isn't worth my happiness. No grades, competitions, or external sources of validation are worth my happiness.
And why should they be? Do professors here, or class mates or college mates know me better or do I? Obviously, the latter.
Besides, in three more years, I know I'm going to get what I want.
Another thing. Relationships here, so transient. Just when you think you've finally found someone you can rely on, off they go. And it happens with such a frequency that I think people even stop fighting it. They just let you drift away, and you do the same.
My best friend and I sometimes draw up lists of people that we actually trust and count as true friends. The list never goes beyond 5 or 6. But hey, who needs a whole entourage?
The lesson that I've learnt is that external means of self validation are all very well. I was the kid that wanted to win, I still am. I like achieving, I like putting up good performances, I like praise. But the absence of the above isn't going to make me feel like shit, cause that'd just be stupid.
I am, and will always be studly :D